Can't Sleep Again

Well, I've been awake for almost 30 hours. Don't know what causes this insomnia, but it's an old friend. I can remember going to work with no sleep so many times. I've actually fallen asleep in front of the classroom a couple of times, but fortunately, caught myself before I actually fell out snoring.

Years ago when I had 5th hour Planning period, I can remember putting my head down on my desk to nap and then suddenly being awakened by the 6th hour bell. Talk about getting into action fast...then I would have to stay after school to do the work that I was supposed to be doing during Planning.

God, I hate the thought of going back to work. It isn't the teaching. It's the bullshit that teachers have to endure from everyone--students, principals, assistant principals, parents, counselors and the few obnoxious, odious teachers who always seem to be in every school...they're the brown-nosers who proudly walk the chalk line and feel superior to everyone else at the same time they're bending over to kiss butt. They kowtow to administrators no matter what new inane educational programs have come down from above--where the higher-ups have no idea of what really goes on in a classroom...or if they ever did know, they've long since forgotten.

Unfortunately, secondary administrators and superintendents are among the most pompous, empty-headed bunch of people with whom I've ever had to deal. Probably it is that very character trait that drove them from the classroom (because they could not relate to kids) in the first place. They often are quite proficient in the politics of stepping over dead bodies on the way up the ladder as well.

I wish, I wish... I wish I had gone on and studied for the English Master's that I was slated for twenty years ago. I would love teaching at a small community college or small university...even the lower level classes there have to be better than the crap I've endured over the years.

Johnny said that we could get along fine with my working only part-time. I'm certain that we could if he gets called back to work at Boeing. He made plenty of money there. Well, we'll just have to take it one day at a time until and if that happens, but my money is just about to peter out, and I can't have him paying my bills. He's already saved my hide more than once.

When I think of all the debt I've incurred over the years in the raising of my kids without benefit of child support, I just go ballistic. Not that I minded doing it (when I look back, they were the best days...the very best, except for the teen years...that was tough at times), but it did not have to be that way.

After all the years I studied and worked crappy jobs just to get my B.A. degree...and then...having to go back to take a year's worth of useless education classes just to become eligible to take the test to become accredited...

God, I need to chill. I'm getting myself worked up when I should be trying to calm down.